40 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Kids

My friends all tell me that I'm deprived because I don't have any kids. I'm missing out on so much, they tell me. They're right, of course, but then, I've seen all the "fun" they're having, and believe me, I'll take my cats any day. Here's why:

 

1. If you want a cat, you don't have to endure nine months of morning sickness, weight gain, backaches, and kicks in the stomach, not to mention 5 or 6 hours of gut-ripping labor.

2. Cats are naturally potty trained, so you never have to change a smelly diaper or argue with a stubborn toddler.

3. A kitten can entertain itself for hours with nothing but a wad of paper, and they're more fun to watch than most TV shows.

4. A cat doesn't need a babysitter, and it really doesn't mind being left home alone.

5. You don't have to get up at 2 AM to feed a cat.

6. Cats may be finicky about their food, but at least they won't spit it back at you or smear it in their hair.

7. Cats never write on the walls with crayons or indelible markers.

8. Unlike human children, cats LOVE to take naps!

9. Cats don't have temper tantrums.

10. A cat would never try to fit a slice of pizza into the computer's CD slot.

11. A cat won't generate 2 loads of dirty laundry every week.

12. Cats wash up without being told, and they always leave the towels clean.

13. Cats rarely leave dirty pawprints on the door or track mud on your kitchen floor.

14. You don't have to worry about getting your cat into the "right" preschool.

15. A cat will never have a dead frog in its pants pocket. Or a live one.

16. A cat won't try to flush a toy race car down the toilet at 9:45 on a Sunday morning.

17. A cat won't demand the latest toy, video game, or sugar-coated cereal it saw on TV.

18. If your cat jumps off the roof, at least it won't use your best umbrella for a parachute.

19. You don't have to give a cat an allowance.

20. A cat doesn't need a whole new wardrobe every year.

21. Cats don't need eyeglasses or braces on their teeth.

22. A cat will never ask for a pony, a ten-speed bike, or a $100 pair of sneakers.

23. A cat will watch all your favorite TV shows without complaining, and they never make fun of you if you tear up over an old movie.

24. Cats never take up drumming or play the stereo too loud.

25. A cat won't take out the garbage either, but on the other hand, it doesn't generate very much.

26. A cat won't tie up your computer, your Xbox, or your phone line.

27. Your car insurance rates won't skyrocket when your cat turns 16.

28. A cat will never come home on the back of a Harley-Davidson, or have a boyfriend in a punk-rock band.

29. You can have a cat fixed, and you don't have to worry about finding condoms or "the pill" in their dresser drawer.

30. A cat will never crash your car or get picked up for shoplifting.

31. A cat will never dye its hair green or purple or have it cut in a mohawk.

32. A cat will never get a tatoo or have its tongue, nose, or eyebrows pierced.

33. Your cat will never smoke pot or crack or drop acid.

34. A cat wouldn't be caught dead in bell-bottomed pants.

35. You won't have to mortgage the house to pay for your cat's college tuition.

36. Cats don't talk back or storm out of the house in a rage.

37. You won't understand what your cat is saying either, but at least you'll know it isn't obscene. Usually.

38. A cat won't need to bum around Europe for a year to "find itself".

39. Your cat will never grow up to be a doctor, but it won't be a bookie or a politician, either.

40. A male cat is a male, and a female a female. Period.

 

The End

Copyright 1998, by Kathleen Mc Pugh, All rights reserved